Remembering

Another day in the "zone".  I haven't even gotten dressed today. 

This video was taken at my home after Morin's Memorial Service.  My children came over for a 'songfest' to cheer me up.  I also recorded some of it on a digital voice recorder so I can listen to it when I am feeling down.  It was so sweet of them to take time with me like that and it has been used a lot when I feel sad.  They all sing well and I love it when they all get together and just jam. 

Today I have been remembering the day of Morin's Memorial Service and all the wonderful friends and relatives who came to it.  It meant a lot to me.  All of my Utah kids came, as well as the Arizona family.  I had siblings, ward friends from several old wards and even friends of my children.  My ex husband came and his wife played the accompaniment for the musical numbers as well as the prelude and postlude music.  What a nice thing for her to do.  Morin's family was there as well.  I hope they enjoyed the service and the nice luncheon afterward. 

In spite of it being a very sad thing that was happening, it was a lovely day.  The service and luncheon were wonderful and the flowers were beautiful.  I was able to keep my composure most of the day.  Of course, I can always look back on any event and find things I wish I had done differently.  I wish I had found a way to make Morin's family feel more recognized and welcomed.  I was kind of in a daze, so I just sat at a table and stayed there for the whole luncheon.  I wish I had been more social. 

This is my son Star from Lindon, Utah - holding my granddaughter Gracee Ann Hannig at the Memorial Service Luncheon.

It has been a couple of days since I started this blog entry.  I guess that can be considered a good thing, that I have taken days to complete it.  I did end up getting dressed that day.  I went downstairs to play games with Susie, Russ and Jarom after Russ gave me a blessing.  I had been isolating a lot and was so emotional, we decided it was a good idea.  It has continued to be helpful as I recall the things it said and have been able to put them to use.

I had a few struggles today. Susie and Jarom and I (and Gracee) went to the mall and when I was in Bath & body Works I realized the last time I was there I was with Morin. When I saw the new men's fragrances on display I nearly burst into tears, because it reminded me of how much he loved his toiletries from there. It happened again at Costco, because I got one of their huge hand-dipped ice cream bars. The only other time I have gotten one was when I was with Morin one day. He got it for me and wouldn't even take a bite because he knew I loved ice cream and didn't want to deprive me of even one bite. It was sweet of him, but I really wanted him to have some. It's more fun to share things you like with someone you love.  

Jarom and I went to a movie today.  It was fun having him here.  He has flown back to AZ and is probably in bed sleeping by now.  I took a picture of him in front of the theatre.  Here it is. He bought the jeans and hat when we went to the mall today.  Isn't he cute?

Today I have been remembering a lot of things about Morin that make me smile.  He was a man of so many facets.  He was very direct in his communication, yet sometimes hard to figure out.  he was so loving and expressed his feelings very eloquently to me, yet sometimes struggled with letting other people know how he felt about them.  He was a fan of the cooking channels and "animal planet" and always wanted to watch one or the other if the tv was on.  He almost always fell asleep while watching these things and if I changed the channel he would wake up and say something about how I always got my way because he loved me 'most'.  He was - of course - joking and didn't really mind me changing the channel. 

His disease process had caused him to have an intolerance for the taste of salt.  He had little or no appetite, so if he said he was hungry for something specific, I would hurry up and make it while he still felt like eating it.  He was a big fan of my spaghetti and would eat it every day until it was all gone.  He also loved my tacos and wanted to eat more than he was able.  I loved cooking for him because he appreciated it so much.

I was also remembering how much we enjoyed the full moon.  Last October he was still strong enough for us to hike up Papago Peak and take this picture of the moon (and lots of others).  I had planned to get there early and find a good spot while we could still see where we were going, but by the time he got out of dialysis and we took off, it was already pretty dark.  He usually wore sandals with socks.  That night was no exception, so he kept razzing me that I didn't tell him to wear shoes because it made it harder for him to walk on the dirt and rocks up hill.  We had fun that night, but he was never strong enough again to do something like that.  I'm glad we went when we did.

Since he didn't have a driver's license he asked my daughter Sandy to take him shopping for my birthday and Christmas gifts.  He looked to her for advice on what I would like and took her recommendations very seriously.  He would say, "I know you will love this one because Sandy said you would."  He was always right.  (or should I say Sandy was :-)) 

Morin liked hiding a few dollars in strange spots because he would forget about it and then when he thought he was broke he would still have money.  It was very cute.  He would point out where he was putting some in the car and tell me to use it if I needed to.  It was nice, because sometimes I did need to use it.  I still have the last few dollars he left in the car.  I will probably leave it there forever just because he isn't here to replace it and it makes me feel like he's kind of still with me.  Silly?  Who cares.

I guess I should finish this up and get to bed before Susie catches me still up.  She tries to be the voice of reason when I am here at her home.  I can do some more remembering another day.