The Tears and Triumphs

Here I am, six months, three days, two hours and 45 minutes after losing my Sweetheart, Morin.  I was sitting here listening to music on TV - Sirius Love Songs.  It was Morin's favorite music channel and we slept with it on when we had to sleep in our recliners because he couldn't sleep laying down.  The songs are the same and it reminded me of him.  If one of his favorites came on he would burst into song - in the dead of night or whenever.  I loved that about him.  Of course, I don't think he did that around everyone.  It was a side of him that was so sweet and joyful.  I miss that.

 Since I have been laptop-less, the blogging has gone by the wayside. But not the ongoing grief and daily struggles of life alone. Gratefully, I have found many distractions and activities to take my mind off of the sadness that tries to engulf me every minute.

While I was still in Utah, there was always something keeping me busy.  There were lots of birthdays and activities.  Schuyler Max had turned two just before I went up there.  In June there was Alethea and Jesse.  In July Star and Millie.  In August Scottie, Steve, Sam and Abbie.  I missed Steve's because I left on the 9th of August.  That next weekend I went up to Snowflake for Steph and Noah's birthdays and went up again on September 11th for Noah's baptism.  While I was still in Utah there was a visit from Steph, David and their sweet family, which I seem to have no pictures of on my computer.  It was great fun having them there, though. 

Bountiful, Utah Temple under the full moon



Millies's Happy Birthday "Diva Day"




Gracee Jammin' on I-tunes




Schuyler Max helping in the kitchen




Zach and Abby making cookies

 

Abby making cookies with Sammy looking on.  Abb's loves making and sharing treats.  She is a great hostess!




Abby's pedicure by me




Scottie's beautiful and yummy birthday cake - sorry I couldn't get it to flip.




Yummy enchilada dinner at Susie's the last day I was in Utah.  We had it on Abby's birthday - double fun!





Thanks to Sandy and Facebook, was able to reconnect with my friend from Tempe - Barbara Marshall.  Hadn't seen each other but once in 30 years




Noah - the Cutest 'Link' there ever was!  I made this costume between my first and second visit to Snowflake after returning to AZ.  It was his birthday wish!





Jarom and I with 'Flat Noah' after Jarom's fall concert





Noah's Baptism day.  I spoke on the Holy Ghost.  It was an honor.




Christian, me, silly Slade and Bri at game night on Bri's birthday!  Fun!  Aunt Susie called her during our party to wish her a happy birthday too!  And we remembered to include Flat Noah!







My Great Granddaughter - Joselyn on game night.  What a cutie!



The Fishes singing at Noah's baptism.  They sang "Families can be Together Forever"

I had several more pictures to add but they won't upload for some reason.  I've had some other things going on.  For example, dental work (always fun) doctor visits, I spoke in Sacrament meeting a few weeks ago.  The same day as game night I went to a game of Jarom's in Scottsdale and had a chance to visit with Bill and Michael Hall.  That was nice.  We all went to lunch at Ajo Al's afterward.  I tried to upload the picture but lost it somehow.

  I have just finished a costume for Forest.  Maybe I can blog about it once he tries it on and I have a picture.  I will never make another, so don't anyone get any bright ideas about that.  I am not exaggerating when I say it took well over a hundred hours to make.  Look up Ghilly Suit online and imagine making it when you aren't yourself and can't think well in a problem-solving way.  Yeah.  That's where I am :-)
I have been to a few grief groups at Morin's hospice.  The problem with that is this:  there is no group.  It is just  the Pastor and I and he isn't LDS, so we can't communicate very congruently about the eternal perspective.  I am looking for other free groups that might be available nearby.
To sum up how I am doing:

• I still have some tears every day.  I am not real clear-thinking all the time. 
• I am currently working on a challenge we were given to complete the Book of Mormon by the end of the year.  I am about 35 pages behind where I need to be, but will catch up. 
• I feel like I should be reaching out more for human contact, so I know I should, but am unable to make myself do it just yet. 
• I am sort of in a cocoon right now. 
• I have done some things, like going to Jarom's football games and having family over to play etc. 
•  I even watched conference with one of my neighbors who has been a widow for eight years or so.  She is a very sweet 'master quilter' about 80 years old. 
•  Oh- yeah, I also went to dinner with a friend from my ward who is a widow but five years or so younger than me.  She was the one person from the ward that really spent time getting to know Morin.  He liked her and was able to open up to her pretty well - an unusual thing for him to do.  It gives me someone to talk to about him. 
• I seem to feel better when I can reminisce with someone who knew him and share stories.  Jaysin and I did that the other day.  It was nice. 
• I am just taking things a day at a time right now. 

I was very upset and emotional when the little girl "Maddie" from Susie's ward was hit by a car and killed recently.  It felt like a new loss for me, but I also know her mom (she lost her husband five years ago) and I was grieving for what she must be going through.  Losing a child seems like it would be the hardest of all.  

Hopefully time will heal this along with the Gift of the Holy Ghost.  I have prayed for and received much comfort through this most precious gift from Heavenly Father. 





Ahhh!  Sweet Success.  Here is the picture taken at Ajo Al's.






A really sweet picture of Scotty with his kids, taken on his birthday